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Loaded in the Mp3 Player: “Bright Spot

statementInevitably, projects begin to intersect.  In the midst of the work that I continue to work on, my life dictates the work that I perform and execute.  In 2007 my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. My work took a back seat.  There was a most evident threat: cancer, our lives, and who we were.  The choices we make dictate the course or direction of our life, but this was thrust upon us.  The will was shaken, but never defeated.  I learned much about myself and the choices that we control.  During this time my fantasy, my safe place was the visualization that I was floating, not sinking, allowing myself to float gently on the waves with no fear or complications.  I felt whole, complete… I could only feel the change taking place, an obsession, the destructive attitude that drives us deep within.  The splitting of two halves: true to myself or true to hope.  Like a cyclical motif I came back to the place where I began just to begin the split again.  Living this moment over and over again reminds us of the pure simple fact, it is when we have nothing left to lose we return to the moment that all we have to hold on to is hope. Yet, as we hold on to hope, formless and empty, it is that substance of nothingness that only believing in its existence that we know that it exists. How can I build a foundation upon a seemingly nonexistent support system? I came to the realization, why not celebrate my faults? Hold on to the thing that holds me down? In as much as I hold on to the hope that doesn’t exist, but does because I believe it does.  What is my failing?  In the same sense that I could return to the hope after all that was lost, I could celebrate the faults that I chose to hide.  Hence the “Failed Poems” project and “Bright Spot.” The original idea for “Failed Poems” was the concept of revealing and concealing the things I fear most: my inadequacies and the elements in my life where I had failed.  Poems seem a good allegory for my dreams that I had with my wife and the course of my life.  When I write a poem I hope that my words convey the meaning and everything that I have in those simple words.  When the poem fails, it fails me.   I deal with these failed words. Much like the feeling of a cancer diagnosis.  Words fail. Hopes fail.  How do I explore these concepts? The “Failed Poems” project relied on the cyclical motif of Fail to Hope to Fail to Hope.  Without over thinking, I would layout ideas and concepts what comes to mind and the words that flow.  Laying out feelings and truth without consideration to their artistic merit.  Why worry when eventually the circle would reach its furthest diameter and travel back around?  So do I focus on creating a bigger diameter? Hoping that I could push further into despair, only believing that it would take me deeper into hope on the return trip.  The elements are simple: transparency, concealment, obscurement, and elucidation.  Fear=Concealment/Obscurement, Hope= Transparency/Elucidation…. Hence, the concept of the view boxes.  A box with a view into the inside. Only those that chose to look into the box will see what is concealed.  Inside a random collection of thoughts, words, images, and a chronicle of  facing breast cancer with a loved one.  Using plexiglass I laid out images that would rest in a frame, overlapping with each other to form a composite image.  This is very similar to the experience of looking at test results: X-rays, DNA results, MRI’s, biopsies, and cancer literature.  This is the problem when patients and caregivers are bombarded with every piece of information and yet are still wanting. I hope that I can deal with my demons as I work through the pieces and decipher my own issues. The “Bright Spot” was intended to serve as a meditative piece with a sense of serenity and focus.  I was tired of grappling with how my brain dealt with information and music. Why bother making it like all other music?  Or even to the extent that I didn’t care how it matched up to other music. It was my music and as long as it made sense to me I would be complete.  Why not just allow the parts to represent my ADD and let the world hear how I experience the world?  Through the experience of breast cancer and hoping for a better future the noise built in my mind.  The only way to calm my mind is to fill it with other noise… sound… parts… music….  The more I can fill my mind the more the static is deadened.  It is my hope that this music will serve as a help to cancer patients to draw their minds from Chemo or Radiation.  Even to help them sleep at night.  It has taken on a whole different character as it grows and becomes more than the sum of its parts. Until the projects are done I will not know the full extent of their meaning if at all, but I know that these projects are intertwined and their meanings are combined. Artist Bio Sven received his BA in 1999 from Trinity Christian College, Palos Heights, IL. He majored in Fine Art and Music Composition.